For the next two weeks I will be in New York attending a theatre intensive at Columbia. I am so excited about this, you guys. ♥ But it does mean that I'm probably going to be scarce for the duration of the program; I'll have theatre things to work on, and I'm not sure if my room has wireless (and Jade's Ethernet port is busted). I am going to try to finish replying to comments tonight, because I have been so bad about that lately, and then we will see.

In writingnews, I think I have a pretty substantial start to an original fiction thing I've been wanting to write for about a year! I just kept getting stuck on it, for some reason, but I think the reason I was struggling with it was because I was telling it from the wrong character's point of view. Have since rectified that, and things seem to be going a lot more smoothly. We'll see where it goes -- I might end up posting it here later, if people are interested.

Also, Russia has been very insistent lately. I think the (alternative) beginning of WWII is next on the docket for all_he_ever, and then Stalingrad, and in normal timeline things, I really really think I want to write about the Russian naval ships that sought and found harbor in America in 1863. Sane!Russia and A-House-Divided!America! It'll be fun, and hey, at least the North has one European power supporting its cause. Plus, I've wanted to write Russia/America for a while; I just needed to find the right story for them.

Tangentially related (in that the story I am about to rec includes minor-but-significant amounts of Russia/America): if you guys haven't read The Only Way Out is Through, do. Not remotely worksafe, but oh so worth it -- this is one of the best depictions of BDSM I've read in fic, and it goes even deeper than that; this fic really gets to the heart of what it means to submit and to crave that kind of pain and validation, to crib from Mith, and on the opposite side, "the perils of treasuring someone who wants you to hurt them." Mostly Japan/America, Englad/America, and England/Japan/America, with the aforementioned Russia/America on the side. Yes, America bottoms. A fair warning: this is some pretty hardcore kink, and humiliation, fear, and degradation pay a big part in the characters' play, but it's risk-aware consensual kink, and if you're good with that, give this one a read.

Last but not least, an intriguing little meme I snatched up from Rina:
Inspired by Doctor Who's "Turn Left:" Pick one of my stories and tell me a point in the tale that you'd change. Something tiny (e.g. "and then Lithuania ran to a different church than the one featured in Apostle's Creed") or big (e.g. "and then England did shoot America at Yorktown") and I'll tell you how that one difference would have altered the course of the entire story.

Love you guys. *smooshes friendslist*

Rise from the Ashes is over -- Faith made it to the finals, and I think I'm proud of what I did with her, even if I struggled with the last two rounds proper. (At least I came back with a vengeance in the finals, when I had access to a computer during them.) More tournament musing to come later, I think.

Have been poking at the House in My Head ficbits lately, as I am coming off what can only be described as a severe research hangover, and I needed the break rather badly. (Have so far written Lithuania and Hisoka discovering each others' scars in the bath, Faith and Kara's infamous drunken one-night stand, Ciel and Hokuto raiding Balthier's closet for clothes to go out in, Kara and the boys playing strip pyramid, and the girls accidentally destroying the house.) I'm still taking prompts on that post, too, since those ficbits are basically things I turn to and fill when I want to write but can't bring myself to work on anything stressful.

Also of interest: the Original Fiction Drabble-thon, in prompt-tree format, which I think I shall play with at some point, because I miss writing original fiction. Plus, I've been on a Gaiman-binge lately (finally got my hands on Fragile Things like two and a half years after it came out -- I know, I know), and seeing what he does with stories always makes me want to write like that. Not exactly like him, of course, but I love the dream-logic of his work, where fragments of other and older symbols and stories are woven into something new and enchanting and haunting. I've been meaning to work on Bandiverse all summer -- hell, since last year -- and I just haven't. Not that, not any other original projects, really. I love fanfic, and I doubt I'll ever stop writing it, but I know I have my own stories in me somewhere, too.

Somewhere. At this point, writing anything of my own would be nice.

I don't know; I think this ties into a larger problem I've been having with my work lately, which is basically that I'm wondering if I can tell stories on my own. Again, I love fanfic, and I love the creative partnership I have with Mith and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I want, and need, to tell a story that's mine, somehow, even if it builds off stories other people have told and told well. I need to find that fire to create again, and I need to find it within myself, not outside of me. I need to stop despairing that I'll never get it right and I'll never know enough and someone somewhere is going to be offended or hurt by what I've done or call me out on everything I've done wrong and just...do it. Just sit down, trust the research I've done so far, and tell the story. At this point, I feel like research is hindering, instead of helping, because I've spent hours upon hours factchecking and obsessing and giving so much thought and worry to the leaves on the trees that I've almost forgotten about the forest. I've almost lost whatever it is that drives me to write at all. It's starting to become something I dread and put off, instead of something I genuinely enjoy doing.

I don't know what the cure for this is, but I hope I find it, and I hope I find it soon.

(First: new layout! Check it out -- puella_nerdii)

So it's been like a month since the second part of Never Before?

...sorry, everyone. One more part to go after this, and I promise the wait won't be as bad.

Title: Never Before (Part 3)
Authors: mithrigil and puella_nerdii
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia, traditional historical timeline
Characters: America and England
Words: 4300, this part.
Rating: PG-13, foul language.
Timestamp: 1943-1944, this part. Eventually to 1945.

Summary: World War II, for them, in letters and telegrams. Fucking Luftwaffe.

( THIS IS HARDLY A CODED MESSAGE STOP )

I've been avoiding the current warnings debacle not out of fear of reprisal, but because the whole thing makes me nauseous. Quite literally. And until recently, I have not trusted myself to make a post that doesn't consist of the words "FUCK YOU" repeated over and over again.

I do think that articulating this will prove cathartic, though. Perhaps even helpful.

( If you don't want to read my darkfic, I want to give you enough information so you can make an informed decision on the matter. )

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The Hetalia Ragtime, featuring Mith, Linden, and myself pretending to be countries and singing altered versions of songs from Ragtime.

Someday we will do the whole thing, I hope. ♥

Slowly but surely clearing out the fic backlog! Oddly enough, having the House in My Head ficbits to play with is helping my focus rather than distracting from it, because they are quick and fun things I can write when I'm sick to death of a particular story, or of doing research.

...you know, I swear I didn't intend to write for Star Trek the first time I saw it. The second time, though, was with Mith.

I think that explains everything.

Title: A Wrong Turn at Albuquerque
Authors: mithrigil and puella_nerdii
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Characters: Ensemble, mostly Jim. Background Jim/Spock and Spock/Uhura.
Rating: PG-13 (for language and discussion of sex)

Summary: So you've fucked Spock. Now what? In which word travels at warp speed on the Enterprise, Spock ponders the intricacies of human humor, and Jim Kirk still doesn't know where his towel is. Follows the events of Similar Activities.

( Well, that could have gone worse. )

-

When I was on the phone with Mith this evening, I started talking about how I basically visualize the characters I write as a group of people all living together in a house in my head. And sometimes this leads to interesting things -- like Jim Kirk and Faith making eyes at one another, which the saner people in the metaphorical house try to convince him is a BAD IDEA, not that that's ever stopped Jim from going after a dangerous lady.

Then I thought: wow, this would be a GREAT format for drabble/ficbit prompts! And I wouldn't drive myself crazy with research! (Which has been a big problem with me lately -- I get so caught up in trying to find out everything ever that I forget about the story.)

Thus: The House in my Head Ficbits! Below is a list of twenty-four characters who currently reside in my head. (This is by no means a complete list, but these guys are particularly talkative right now.) Pick two (or more) characters from the list, and give me a prompt that somehow incorporates the given circumstances: the fact that these characters all live in a very big house together. (The "in Puel's head" part is optional.)

Good prompts: "America and Jim Kirk fight over who gets the last bowl of cornflakes," "Lithuania teaches Argilla how to cook breakfast," "Faith and Kara's infamous drunken one-night stand."

Not as good: "Jim and Spock make pancakes." (Spock is not on the list.)
"America and Prussia at Valley Forge." (I'd really prefer to keep the prompts centered on these characters sharing this house -- in my head -- though they can certainly talk about their histories outside it)
"America and Ciel's infamous drunken one-night stand." (Some characters I'll pair, others I won't -- if you aren't sure whether or not I think two characters would totally bang, ask.)

( The list! Featuring Hetalia, Star Trek XI, BSG, Code Geass, Kuroshitsuji, the Sandman, TB/X, Yami no Matsuei, FFVII, FFXII, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Digital Devil Saga )

The house in my head is a bit of a sausagefest. Or the fandom side of it is, at any rate. orz

No cutoff at the moment -- I might even make this an ongoing kind of thing, something I can return to at any time when I need a break.

I hope this is fun, and not too complicated. It should be a good break from the heavy stuff for me -- it's nice to write characters having fun with each other without worrying about all the research I'm not doing.

Prompt away, or ask me for clarifications!

( List of prompts/ficbits, for reference purposes )

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There is a general AHEWniverse request post over here, where the three of us are taking prompts for shortfic that occurs in the margins of the main story (check the post for examples of the kinds of prompts we're looking for). Just a heads-up for any interested parties. And I do need to actually get stuff done within that continuity. Next big ficproject for AHEWniverse on my end is, I think, Stalingrad. Oh won't that be fun.

Also, a meme ganked from various people:

List 10 of your favorite characters from different fandoms, and ask people to spot patterns in your choices, and if they're so inclined, to draw conclusions about you based on the patterns they've spotted.

(not that I suspect the patterns are, well, difficult to spot. Fandoms listed are recentish ones/ones I have been thinking about lately. By no means is this anything CLOSE to a favorite-characters-ever list, partially because the thought of making such a list makes my head hurt.)

1. America (Axis Powers Hetalia)
2. Jim Kirk (Star Trek XI)
3. Suzaku Kururugi (Code Geass)
4. Kara Thrace (Battlestar Galactica)
5. Ciel Phantomhive (Kuroshitsuji)
6. Roland (Digital Devil Saga)
7. Hisoka Kurosaki (Yami no Matsuei)
8. ...three-way tie between The Corinthian, Death, and Delirium (the Sandman)
9. Tie between Justin Warrick and Ari Emory (II) (Cyteen)
10. No way am I picking between Subaru and Hokuto Sumeragi and Seishirou Sakurazuka (Tokyo Babylon/X)

And a whole lot of others, really; I am (generally) at least as bad about picking favorite characters as I am about picking favorite pairings.

Eternity: Rise from the Ashes is up and running, and it looks like I'm sponsoring Faith in it.

Yes, that Faith. From Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

...well, I speak like a Whedon character in real life sometimes. *grins* (Was waffling between her and the Corinthian, but a host tip pushed me firmly in Faith's camp. Besides, I have been whining about not writing girls enough recently.)

Also, a meme from ruffwriter that I have modified slightly.

Pick a character that I have written, or that you know I have substantial headcanon about, and ask any five questions about him/her. Be sure to specify whether you would like responses to be OOC (responding as the writer) or IC (responding as the character).

You'll get the best results if you ask about characters from my current fandoms, but I'm opening the floor to more characters than the ones in those canons, if you're so inclined. You may repeat characters, but not questions -- I'll answer more than one set of questions about America, for example, but I'm not going to tell y'all twice what his favorite food is. OCs or AU versions of canon characters, are also fine, but specify if you want the AU.

Have at it!

...I don't know how to preface this one, really, other than "this is porn, Mith and I have rather a lot of it, hopefully the porn market has not become too oversaturated as of late."

Title: Better than Lime
Authors: puella_nerdii and mithrigil
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters/Pairing: England/America
Rating: NC-17 because sometimes we do let them have sex
Warnings: alcohol, England getting grabby
Timestamp: Sometime after Self-Evident.

Summary: England comes over to help America make rum -- and to teach him about the rest of the Royal Navy's traditions.

( So this, England says as he slides the shotglass across, is black rum. )

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Have finished replying to all the unanswered comments on the fic I've posted over the past year ("the past year" being 2009). Will try to keep doing this, if I notice I've gotten comments on fic I've posted a while back.

...fuck, I haven't written nearly enough this year. (she says after she finishes the goddamn Lietdammerung)

I might have some America/England up tomorrow or Monday, though -- either the conclusion of Never Before, finally, or porn. And after that I should work on AHEWniverse, but there's this Kuroshitsuji thing I'm intrigued by, and the follow-up to Similar Activities, and Marlowe and Shakespeare and Iggy (oh my! I've got a feeling this one will also be long, but I will try to break it into parts this time, since posting very long fic all at once doesn't seem to work. Unless it's porn). Hopefully I will get out at least some of these things before the month's out!

dear god I need a job why hasn't the library called back like they said they would, motherfucker

One of my friends is also trying to sucker me into watching and recapping Okane ga Nai while drunk. I told her she gets only one drunken recap out of me, that or Twilight, because yeah I might like the pain, but even I have my limits -- when it comes to booze and when it comes to creepy-ass-relationships-masquerading-as-twoo-wuv.

Various meta things percolating, too: my writing process, thoughts on Cyteen, a kind of gendered double-standard I've noticed in my work and in my fic preferences and why it's there. We'll see what comes of them, too.

Back to Part One

And here's part two! (Like I said, this thing. Um. Maybe I should've called it the Lietdammerung.)

( No, Lithuania says. )

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Oh god I am exhausted. Finally, though. FINALLY. Have been poking at this thing for long enough, lord knows.

This is probably the longest oneshot I've written in, uh...ever. It's also kind of an experiment for me, as the narrative is a lot less snapshot-ish and a lot more continuous (which is partially because Lithuania isn't a collection of scenes, he's a story).

I think I'm proud of this one. I hope other people enjoy it, too. ♥

also: neither the most depressing nor the most pretentious thing I have written! For this fandom, even!

Title: Mother Courage
Author: puella_nerdii
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters: Lithuania, Prussia, Poland; Russia, in absentia
Rating: R, for adult themes, mostly due to the --
Timestamp: 1941-1944, during the German occupation of Lithuania.

Summary: Sometimes, living is enough of a victory. Lithuania, Prussia, and resistance.

( We will reclaim our country; we will take back what is ours! )

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On to Part Two

❝who do you ship me with?❞

...people are still doing this one, right? I am not horrendously late to the party?

Also, note to self: when you start worrying about and delving into whether or not you have gotten the weather on a certain day in history correct, you need to stop doing research and start writing. Without opening any new tabs or looking at any new books.

Now finish that Lietfic sometime today, okay?

So I signed up for kink_bingo on Dreamwidth.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to at first, but I figure that I have been having enough creative woes lately that something to kickstart my writing process might not be such a bad thing.

Uh.

Guys?

My card is pretty darn sexy.

( cut for card and nattering )

Anyway, suggestions on possible bingos I could achieve, and what characters or pairings might be good for what kinks, are highly appreciated -- this is a fairly big card, after all, and all my plans for what to do with it are kind of nebulous. So having a few firmer ideas wouldn't be a bad thing.

i. So I am in the middle (or thereabouts) of Cyteen right now, and without spoilers, I can say this much: Occasionally -- not often, but sometimes -- I will come across books that make me envision some kind of supervisor living in my head holding up a giant checklist of kinks and going through and marking each box. Because seriously, this book is a giant motherfucking checklist of my kinks. (I had the same experience reading The Stratford Man.) Needless to say, I'm enjoying it immensely.

ii. The trouble with inviting XI-verse Jim Kirk to live in your head is that he moves in with surprising ease and kind of assumes command like he's always been there. It's like you let him crash on your couch one night, and two weeks later he's rummaging through your fridge asking you where you keep the good stuff, throwing his laundry in with yours (and probably mixing the whites and the darks, too, because that's Just How He Rolls), and leaving his socks in the strangest places. And when you point out to him that Mark One Kirk never would have put his feet up on the coffee table, he just kind of looks up at you and grins. The man has about thirty different varieties of cocky asshole grin, I swear, and all of them (or most of them) manage to somehow be endearing.
...hi my name is Puel and I construct weird metaphors. *laughs* I do kind of conceptualize the characters I write as a cast of people living in my head, though; it helps as a way to personalize their voices and make my creative process a whole lot less abstract.

iii. Speaking of my creative process, I am just now remembering a conversation I had with Linden, who I dearly miss, the last time I was in NYC about how Yes, Virginia has the same number of sections as "Mrs. O," the song that is its background music/framing device/inspiration/whatever, has verses. Quoth me: "Really? I didn't even catch that." Which sort of got me thinking about my creative process in general, and how I write, and how it is a very different process from how Mith or Linden writes and how it's probably not the way people think I write, either.
So I don't know, guys. Would you be interested in me doing a kind-of-summary of my writing process? I think I'd use Apostle's Creed as my example, because that's one of the clearest ones of it, I think.

Am in the middle of getting my paperwork together for Columbia. So excited! I'm also probably going to spend tomorrow hunting down volunteer opportunities, since ain't no way I'm getting a paying job for five weeks in the middle of a recession.

Also, it kind of hit me today that since this time last year, my friendslist has tripled in size. Heck, it's almost tripled from where it was six or seven months ago.

Wow.

I'm really glad I've met so many wonderful people on this journal -- through Hetalia and through other things, though "through Hetalia" seems to be the predominant answer lately. So to anyone new to this journal (especially those of you I've met through various friending memes recently): hi! I promise I am a (generally) nice person, if not all that normal. I have an introductory post of sorts here, but I think the following meme might be more useful -- to anyone who's reading this journal, no matter how long you've been reading me.

The problem with LiveJournal is that we think we're close, but really, we know nothing about each other.

So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me, something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about, or something you've always been curious about but have never asked, or something completely silly that you'd like me to answer for kicks. No limits on the range of questions, either: ask me anything you want to know about, whether it's a fannish opinion or a question about a fic of mine or trivia about my real life or my thoughts on events in the offline world.

Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you!

I can tell you right now that I won't give out my real name or my address beyond the general area I live in, mostly because this is a public post, but most anything else should be good.

I've been accepted into SITI Company's Summer Theatre Workshop at Columbia!

I'm so excited for this -- the program's quite rigorous and it's going to be crazy physically intensive, but I've always wanted to learn Suzuki technique and I've been kind of trained in Viewpoints, and I think this will be an exciting direction for my work as an actor. A lot of SITI's goals -- especially their interest in international cultural exchange and collaboration -- really speak to what I want to do as an artist, and finding Anne Bogart's blog entry where she talks about how theatre is the only art form that concerns itself predominantly with social issues kind of sealed the deal for me. (Yes, I'm a Brechtian. A Brechtian anthropologist. Oh lord, sometimes I have no idea how I even work.) And I'm going to be living at Columbia for two weeks.

This makes Otakon...interesting, and possibly out of the question. This seems to be the year of Cons Getting Screwed Over For Theatrical Commitments, but well, this is my career, and cons come in second to that. I'll hopefully still be able to make NYAF, and maybe another con in the fall, depending on how things go.

But seriously. EEEEEE.

There is a name-ten-OTPs-and-your-friends-tell-you-what-the-list-says-about-you meme going around, but in my inability to write people in exclusive lifelong relationships commitment to acknowledging multiple valid perspectives and viewpoints within a work of art (which is a really pretentious way of saying that my default approach to shipping is "sure, why not?" instead of "OTP forEVER!"), I propose a twist on this. Besides, I think my trends in what kinds of fictional relationships I like are, well, pretty obvious if you've read me for any length of time. Also: facepunching. Give me a character or fandom, and I'll tell you about my favorite pairings/relationships for the character or fandom in question.
...try to pick single characters if we're talking about really large fandoms? Because if anyone straight-out asks for Hetalia, I'm just going to throw up my hands and shout "ONE WORLD ORGY."
You can tell me after that if you notice any trends. Maybe you'll pick up on something I haven't.